Hey everyone! Here's a rough pass at the whole short. I'm tryin to learn flash at the same time , so please mind some of the rougher edges. It's still early on but critiques are welcomed of course, and there are also 2 different endings that I'm trying to settle on. Let me know which you prefer.Thanks for looking!
Haha ! Excellent:) Can't wait to see the animation. First ending works better for me. Really made me laugh, so simple but yet very efficient.
ReplyDeleteGreat job!
That is excellent. Cute and funny. I agree with Gregory both endings are good but the first is more concise
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ReplyDeleteI could see some sketches of your rought animation(thanks to your partner on animation mentor,Macha, do you remember her?) at the same time i see your blog and i think you are very expressive...I love your dinamic pose,and cute characters!:D
ReplyDeleteThis looks really good- Zombie antics are very funny. Cute story
ReplyDeletei really cannot wait for your short! those characters you created are really interesting!
ReplyDeletegreat work bobby! this really flows nicely.
ReplyDeleteSuper awesome Bobby! I like the alternate ending when she kisses his head off. x-D
ReplyDeleteI likey where this is going Bobby!
ReplyDeleteI'm not 100% about the moon transition between locations. Maybe you need a little arc so that there feels like more distance between the girl and the boy? I think as you've got it the moon should at least adjust in some way so it feels like more of a cut. There was a slight moment of visual confusion where I wasn't sure where I was.
I think the ending needs some tightening up too. The gags are good, but I think the timing may be off a bit. I'm wondering if a combination of both endings is the way to go?
Anyway, keep cranking! You always do impressive work.
HAHAHA... I like the alt ending better. Great work my friend!! I especially like the soundtrack...
ReplyDeleteNice one Bobby-really good animatic, funny just in Flash form. The falling head ending is funny but i guess the 1st version works better.
ReplyDeleteawesome stuff. i'm rooting for the alternate ending!
ReplyDeleteHey Bobby:
ReplyDeleteNice work, can't wait for it to be finished. I think the moon sequence can work, it'll need more time added during that transition (3 seconds).
The original ending is best, with maybe the zombie kid looking down slightly (because his arm fell) and looking back up at her with a grin. It's simple, but simple is best with this abrupt ending.
Again, always great stuff Bobby!
Mark
youre a bad man Bobby....a very bad man
ReplyDeletesoooooooooo excited!
Hi thanks for taking a look and leaving your thoughts everyone! I floated it around work a little today and both endings are in a dead heat, depending on the viewer's personality, Interestingly enough!
ReplyDeleteI'll post up a newer "post-mentor critique" version and soon as I get one! Again thanks for havin a looksee!!
hi bobby,
ReplyDeletegood stuff! couple things off the top of my head:
-- i think you could underplay her reaction at the beginning. rather than having her cry a lot and ball her fists to rub her eyes, etc., you may get more mileage out of a "less is more" approach as she holds the photograph.
-- i don't think you need the heart thought bubble for the zombie boy at 32 seconds in. don't tell the audience right away; it's more interesting if we go "ok, a zombie. now what?" and then you answer the question later.
-- along those lines, one option is to start the film with the shot of the zombie boy coming out of the ground (aka, seconds 22-28). maybe he even looks menacing as he's silhouetted from a low camera angle from the moonlight. it sets up an expectation for a different kind of film and we as the audience would ask more questions.
then you could cut to the girl and introduce her, and then back to the zombie and show him sniffing the flower, picking it up, and the leg gag, etc.
-- i don't think you need "4 days later". i thought it was a much weaker joke than the rest of the gags you have, and it's a lot weaker than the joke in the shot immediately after (zombie boy dragging himself to the house on his hands). the "4 days later" reduces the impact of that strong physical gag, i think, because you're telling us, then showing us, rather than just showing us.
--i like both endings, but i think i like the first one more.
anyway, just some immediate thoughts; take 'em or leave 'em, of course. it's *your* film! :)
You are a comical genius, such a lovely piece, lovely short. Hard to tell something in a very short time, seemed to me that it missed something, not exactly sure what.
ReplyDeleteKeep it up, can't wait to see more. Make sure the camera pan is in a slow constant moving, you don't want a pan and sudden stop in the final film.
For example, when you do a pan toward the girl in the begining, it comes to a complete slop, in your final one, make sure camera is always constant move, even when it's very very slow.
take care.
Hahah nice!
ReplyDeleteI like the alt-ending.
Keep on truckin'!
LOL! You don't mess around Bobby--this is awesome!
ReplyDeleteWhich ending--that's a tough one. I personally laughed more during the alt. ending. I think it was because of his last efforts with the rose. But I do see that the first is cleaner. Sorry, I'm no help--I think you'll win either way!
Alright, I'm deciding--my vote's for the alt. ending! I like the multiple gags in that shot. Also, it ends on a "happier" note.
ReplyDeleteI vote for alt ending as well, but, maybe with the arm not falling off. This should be great fun to watch man. I can't wait!
ReplyDeleteMan, you can draw. Beautiful stuff and happy birthday!
ReplyDeleteHi Bobby, thanks for coments in my blog, your work is very good to! I'm your fan!!!
ReplyDeleteDefinitely, go with the alternate ending.
ReplyDeleteYou could possibly replace the four days later title card with a visual gag, reflecting the extreme passage of time. The title card just breaks the passing.
awesome stuff dude! Cant wait to see more.
ReplyDeletebeautiful works
ReplyDeleteRos@
Hahah - this is great.
ReplyDeleteI thought you said you didn't know how to use flash!
It's better than a lot of other flash stuff you see around the place and this is just your animatic!
So awe-inspiring.
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