Monday, November 10, 2008

Storyboards!

Hey everyone! Here's a rough pass at the whole short. I'm tryin to learn flash at the same time , so please mind some of the rougher edges. It's still early on but critiques are welcomed of course, and there are also 2 different endings that I'm trying to settle on. Let me know which you prefer.

Thanks for looking!

36 comments:

Anonymous said...

Haha ! Excellent:) Can't wait to see the animation. First ending works better for me. Really made me laugh, so simple but yet very efficient.
Great job!

Roland MacDonald said...

That is excellent. Cute and funny. I agree with Gregory both endings are good but the first is more concise

Lidix said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lidix said...

I could see some sketches of your rought animation(thanks to your partner on animation mentor,Macha, do you remember her?) at the same time i see your blog and i think you are very expressive...I love your dinamic pose,and cute characters!:D

ROBERT BANDEL said...

This looks really good- Zombie antics are very funny. Cute story

flaviano said...

i really cannot wait for your short! those characters you created are really interesting!

kevin said...

great work bobby! this really flows nicely.

Tirzah said...

Super awesome Bobby! I like the alternate ending when she kisses his head off. x-D

Katy Hargrove said...

I likey where this is going Bobby!

I'm not 100% about the moon transition between locations. Maybe you need a little arc so that there feels like more distance between the girl and the boy? I think as you've got it the moon should at least adjust in some way so it feels like more of a cut. There was a slight moment of visual confusion where I wasn't sure where I was.

I think the ending needs some tightening up too. The gags are good, but I think the timing may be off a bit. I'm wondering if a combination of both endings is the way to go?

Anyway, keep cranking! You always do impressive work.

RAWLS said...

HAHAHA... I like the alt ending better. Great work my friend!! I especially like the soundtrack...

Matt Jones said...

Nice one Bobby-really good animatic, funny just in Flash form. The falling head ending is funny but i guess the 1st version works better.

10ske said...

awesome stuff. i'm rooting for the alternate ending!

Mark Geyer said...

Hey Bobby:

Nice work, can't wait for it to be finished. I think the moon sequence can work, it'll need more time added during that transition (3 seconds).

The original ending is best, with maybe the zombie kid looking down slightly (because his arm fell) and looking back up at her with a grin. It's simple, but simple is best with this abrupt ending.

Again, always great stuff Bobby!

Mark

Unknown said...

youre a bad man Bobby....a very bad man

soooooooooo excited!

Bobby Pontillas said...

Hi thanks for taking a look and leaving your thoughts everyone! I floated it around work a little today and both endings are in a dead heat, depending on the viewer's personality, Interestingly enough!

I'll post up a newer "post-mentor critique" version and soon as I get one! Again thanks for havin a looksee!!

Anonymous said...

hi bobby,

good stuff! couple things off the top of my head:

-- i think you could underplay her reaction at the beginning. rather than having her cry a lot and ball her fists to rub her eyes, etc., you may get more mileage out of a "less is more" approach as she holds the photograph.

-- i don't think you need the heart thought bubble for the zombie boy at 32 seconds in. don't tell the audience right away; it's more interesting if we go "ok, a zombie. now what?" and then you answer the question later.

-- along those lines, one option is to start the film with the shot of the zombie boy coming out of the ground (aka, seconds 22-28). maybe he even looks menacing as he's silhouetted from a low camera angle from the moonlight. it sets up an expectation for a different kind of film and we as the audience would ask more questions.

then you could cut to the girl and introduce her, and then back to the zombie and show him sniffing the flower, picking it up, and the leg gag, etc.

-- i don't think you need "4 days later". i thought it was a much weaker joke than the rest of the gags you have, and it's a lot weaker than the joke in the shot immediately after (zombie boy dragging himself to the house on his hands). the "4 days later" reduces the impact of that strong physical gag, i think, because you're telling us, then showing us, rather than just showing us.

--i like both endings, but i think i like the first one more.

anyway, just some immediate thoughts; take 'em or leave 'em, of course. it's *your* film! :)

Wile E. Wilster said...

You are a comical genius, such a lovely piece, lovely short. Hard to tell something in a very short time, seemed to me that it missed something, not exactly sure what.
Keep it up, can't wait to see more. Make sure the camera pan is in a slow constant moving, you don't want a pan and sudden stop in the final film.
For example, when you do a pan toward the girl in the begining, it comes to a complete slop, in your final one, make sure camera is always constant move, even when it's very very slow.

take care.

Dave David said...

Hahah nice!

I like the alt-ending.
Keep on truckin'!

TJ Phan said...

LOL! You don't mess around Bobby--this is awesome!

Which ending--that's a tough one. I personally laughed more during the alt. ending. I think it was because of his last efforts with the rose. But I do see that the first is cleaner. Sorry, I'm no help--I think you'll win either way!

TJ Phan said...

Alright, I'm deciding--my vote's for the alt. ending! I like the multiple gags in that shot. Also, it ends on a "happier" note.

Pointpusher said...

I vote for alt ending as well, but, maybe with the arm not falling off. This should be great fun to watch man. I can't wait!

Unknown said...

Man, you can draw. Beautiful stuff and happy birthday!

Ivan Oviedo said...

Hi Bobby, thanks for coments in my blog, your work is very good to! I'm your fan!!!

gemini82 said...

Definitely, go with the alternate ending.

You could possibly replace the four days later title card with a visual gag, reflecting the extreme passage of time. The title card just breaks the passing.

Jason Newkirk said...

awesome stuff dude! Cant wait to see more.

Unknown said...

beautiful works
Ros@

Anonymous said...

foot777
back100
pub187
tree48754
poop4867

Phil Willis said...

Hahah - this is great.

I thought you said you didn't know how to use flash!

It's better than a lot of other flash stuff you see around the place and this is just your animatic!

So awe-inspiring.

Anonymous said...

A漫,h漫,成人漫畫,免費A片,色情網站,色情遊戲,情色文學,麗的色遊戲,色情,色情影片,同志色教館,色色網,色遊戲,自拍,本土自拍,kk俱樂部,後宮電影院,後宮電影,85cc免費影城,85cc免費影片,免費影片,免費小遊戲,免費遊戲,小遊戲,遊戲,好玩遊戲,好玩遊戲區,A片,情趣用品,遊戲區,史萊姆好玩遊戲,史萊姆,遊戲基地,線上遊戲,色情遊戲,遊戲口袋,我的遊戲口袋,小遊戲區,手機遊戲,貼圖,A片下載,成人影城,愛情公寓,情色貼圖,情色,色情網站,色情遊戲,色情小說,情色文學,色情,aio交友愛情館,色情影片,臺灣情色網,寄情築園小遊戲,情色論壇,嘟嘟情人色網,情色視訊,愛情小說,言情小說,一葉情貼圖片區,情趣用品,情趣,色情漫畫,情色網,情色a片,情色遊戲,85cc成人片,嘟嘟成人網,成人網站,18成人,成人影片,成人交友網,成人貼圖,成人圖片區,成人圖片,成人文章,成人小說,成人光碟,微風成人區,免費成人影片

Anonymous said...

A漫,h漫,成人漫畫,免費A片,色情網站,色情遊戲,情色文學,麗的色遊戲,色情,色情影片,同志色教館,色色網,色遊戲,自拍,本土自拍,kk俱樂部,後宮電影院,後宮電影,85cc免費影城,85cc免費影片,免費影片,免費小遊戲,免費遊戲,小遊戲,遊戲,好玩遊戲,好玩遊戲區,A片,情趣用品,遊戲區,史萊姆好玩遊戲,史萊姆,遊戲基地,線上遊戲,色情遊戲,遊戲口袋,我的遊戲口袋,小遊戲區,手機遊戲,貼圖,A片下載,成人影城,愛情公寓,情色貼圖,情色,色情網站,色情遊戲,色情小說,情色文學,色情,aio交友愛情館,色情影片,臺灣情色網,寄情築園小遊戲,情色論壇,嘟嘟情人色網,情色視訊,愛情小說,言情小說,一葉情貼圖片區,情趣用品,情趣,色情漫畫,情色網,情色a片,情色遊戲,85cc成人片,嘟嘟成人網,成人網站,18成人,成人影片,成人交友網,成人貼圖,成人圖片區,成人圖片,成人文章,成人小說,成人光碟,微風成人區,免費成人影片

oakleyses said...

michael kors handbags, cheap oakley sunglasses, polo ralph lauren, tiffany and co jewelry, longchamp handbags, louis vuitton outlet online, michael kors outlet online, michael kors outlet online sale, nike outlet, nike air max, louis vuitton handbags, burberry outlet online, true religion outlet, ray ban sunglasses, oakley sunglasses, tiffany jewelry, gucci handbags, michael kors outlet online, michael kors outlet store, louis vuitton outlet, louis vuitton, red bottom shoes, coach outlet, ray ban outlet, tory burch outlet online, polo ralph lauren outlet, christian louboutin outlet, longchamp outlet online, coach purses, prada outlet, louis vuitton outlet, coach outlet, kate spade outlet online, christian louboutin shoes, michael kors outlet, burberry outlet online, oakley vault, true religion, prada handbags, longchamp outlet, chanel handbags, christian louboutin, jordan shoes, nike free, kate spade outlet, coach outlet store online, nike air max

oakleyses said...

sac michael kors, longchamp pas cher, sac louis vuitton, hollister, michael kors uk, true religion outlet, air jordan, north face pas cher, ray ban uk, louis vuitton uk, timberland, barbour, new balance pas cher, north face, louis vuitton, abercrombie and fitch, mulberry uk, ralph lauren pas cher, air max, converse pas cher, nike free, ray ban pas cher, louis vuitton pas cher, nike roshe run, hermes pas cher, nike air max, burberry pas cher, scarpe hogan, nike roshe, nike air max, nike free pas cher, vans pas cher, lululemon outlet online, tn pas cher, lacoste pas cher, air max pas cher, nike blazer pas cher, michael kors canada, guess pas cher, hollister, longchamp, ralph lauren, chaussure louboutin, true religion jeans, nike air force, oakley pas cher, sac vanessa bruno

oakleyses said...

p90x workout, longchamp, birkin bag, chi flat iron, instyler ionic styler, ugg, reebok shoes, uggs on sale, canada goose, ferragamo shoes, lululemon outlet, ugg boots, vans outlet, nfl jerseys, valentino shoes, hollister, nike roshe, asics shoes, canada goose outlet, wedding dresses, canada goose outlet, giuseppe zanotti, mcm handbags, jimmy choo shoes, mac cosmetics, nike huarache, babyliss, canada goose outlet, beats headphones, replica watches, north face jackets, ugg boots clearance, ghd, insanity workout, bottega veneta, marc jacobs outlet, soccer shoes, abercrombie and fitch, herve leger, celine handbags, uggs outlet, ugg outlet, nike trainers, soccer jerseys, new balance outlet, ugg outlet, north face jackets, mont blanc pens, ugg soldes

oakleyses said...

swarovski uk, thomas sabo uk, louboutin, supra shoes, baseball bats, air max, hollister canada, pandora jewelry, moncler, timberland shoes, louis vuitton canada, coach outlet, moncler, oakley, juicy couture outlet, juicy couture outlet, canada goose, ray ban, canada goose pas cher, links of london uk, parajumpers outlet, pandora charms, montre femme, gucci, ralph lauren, hollister, vans, swarovski jewelry, moncler outlet, hollister clothing, uggs canada, converse, moncler, converse shoes, toms outlet, moncler, karen millen, moncler outlet, replica watches, canada goose, pandora uk, moncler, wedding dress, lancel, iphone 6 case, ugg, nike air max, canada goose

Unknown said...

winter coats, http://www.wintercoats.us.com/
canada goose jackets, http://www.canadagooseoutlet.com.co/
ugg outlet, http://www.uggoutlet.org.uk/
cyber monday deals, http://www.cybermondaydeals.in.net/
snow boots, http://www.snowboots.us.com/
canada goose outlet, http://www.canadagoose-coats.us.com/
canada goose outlet, http://www.canada-goosejackets.us.com/
canada goose jackets, http://www.canadagoosecanada.com/
ugg sale, http://www.uggsale.in.net/
canada goose jackets, http://www.canadagoosejackets.in.net/
winter jackets, http://www.winterjackets.us.com/
parajumpers coats, http://www.parajumpers.in.net/
discount ugg boots, http://www.discountuggboots.in.net/
canada goose jackets, http://www.canada-gooseoutlet.us.com/
cyber monday 2015, http://www.cybermonday2015.us.com/
ugg outlet, http://www.uggoutletstore.eu.com/
belstaff jackets, http://www.belstaff.us.com/
ugg boots, http://www.uggboots-outlet.co.uk/
wellensteyn jackets, http://www.wellensteyn.com.co/
black friday 2015, http://www.blackfriday2015.in.net/
ugg boots, http://www.uggbootscheap.eu.com/
barbour coats, http://www.barbour.us.com/
cheap ugg boots, http://www.cheapugg-boots.in.net/
woolrich outlet, http://www.woolrichoutletstore.us.com/
ugg outlet, http://www.uggoutlet.in.net/
moncler jackets, http://www.monclerjacketsuk.co.uk/
black friday deals, http://www.blackfridaydeals.us.com/
nobis outlet, http://www.nobis.us.com/
ugg australia, http://www.uggaustralia.in.net/
moncler outlet, http://www.moncleroutletstore.us.com/
achang1016

raybanoutlet001 said...

michael kors uk
49ers jersey
michael kors handbags
ray ban sunglasses
christian louboutin shoes
michael kors handbags
fitflops shoes
coach outlet online
fitflops
cheap jordan shoes